Dangan Ronpa Reads My Immortal
by Traveler42
Summary: Monokuma has decided that the murdered students have not suffered enough despair just yet. So he treats them to the most infamous fan fiction of all time.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

(AN: I know everyone has done this, but it's my turn. Please review! Disclaimer: I do not own Dangan Ronpa, My Immortal, or Harry Potter. Spoiler Warning for DR)

As the headmaster of Hope's Peak, I am a very busy bear. But sometimes, I like to unwind with a drink and a despair-inducing read. And what's better than sharing the things you like? So I decided from the goodness of my stuffed heart, to share one of my favorite fan fictions with my students. But then I thought about the poor dead students who wouldn't be able to read it. So I got an idea. What if I only shared it with the dead students? It would give me something to do during nighttime, after all. It doesn't hurt that God owes a certain bear a few favors…

*'**"***"**'*

"What's going on?" Maizono asked, looking around the small, steel-gray room. "I thought I died… and…"

"What the hell? Wait. Maizono's here, so that must mean I am in hell." Leon mumbled, scratching his head.

"Sis, she… and I'm…" Ikusaba whispered, still trying to comprehend what happened to her.

Then the three of them looked at each other in mutual confusion. "Why are we here?" Leon asked the question they were all thinking.

"Upupu, are you guys ready?" Monokuma said, popping out of nowhere.

"Ready for what? I thought we… died." Maizono said softly.

"Yeah, but isn't being dead boring? So I decided to entertain you guys!" Monokuma started dancing around the small gray room, holding a laptop in his paws. "Have fun reading this! It'll give you something to do until the others arrive!" He then dropped the laptop and disappeared again.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." Leon said. Reluctantly, he opened the laptop and read the first sentence. "What is this?"

Maizono and Ikusaba leaned in closer to read whatever monstrosity Monokuma had just given them.

*'**"***"**'*

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)

_Leon: Ha-ha, we get it. Lame way to start this thing._

2 my gf (ew not in that way)

_Maizono: I wasn't even thinking anything remotely like that._

raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

_Maizono: I don't really listen to MCR, I'm usually too busy with my own songs._

_Ikusaba: And isn't it usually a bad thing to put real names into these things? Wouldn't it be easier for people to find you?_

_Leon: But getting attention is the whole point, just like the music business._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Leon: I hate to be captain obvious, but that's a whole lot of X's. I'm sure that won't get annoying anytime soon._

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way

_Ikusaba: That seems like a rather long and meaningless name._

_Leon: You're one to talk, doesn't your name mean 'corpse' or something?_

_Ikusaba: But think about it, her name basically means 'A dark color, darkness, a mental disorder, dark colored bird'. Don't know about the Way bit. But her name is just repetitious, and not to mention unrealistic. _

and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).

_Maizono: Wait, does that mean I can leave? Thank you very much Miss Ebony, even though I will ignore the implied insult. *Goes to look for the exit*_

_Ikusaba: I don't think Monokuma would give us such an easy way out…_

I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.

_Leon: Is she implying she wants incest? Because I have major problems with that._

I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.

_Maizono: Don't vampires need sharp teeth to get blood?_

_Leon: I don't think Celes has fangs, and I'm pretty sure she's a vampire._

I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).

_Maizono: It's been a while since I last watched Harry Potter, but I'm pretty sure there weren't any vampires in it._

_Ikusaba: Harry Potter? I've never actually read the books…_

_Leon: Me neither, but I've watched the movies, so that's good enough._

I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.

_Leon: Is this what all girls are like, Maizono? Because I read almost nothing of that paragraph. _

_Maizono: No, not all girls are like this. Even before my performances, I don't wear that much makeup._

_Ikusaba: I barely pay attention to fashion, that's what sis was for. But her outfit doesn't sound practical, especially if it's cold._

I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about.

_Leon: Snowing and raining? Sounds like something Hagakure would predict._

A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

_Maizono: That's rude! Why would someone do that to people they don't know?_

_Ikusaba: It sounds like somebody I know… Did Junko write this?_

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

_Leon: Were those dots supposed to be suspense or something?_

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

_Maizono: If I remember correctly, Draco is not shy! How do these two even know each other?_

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Ikusaba: And the return of the X's_

_Leon: That sounds like the name of a movie where a guy's ex-girlfriends get together to get revenge or something._

_Maizono: And the guy's name would be Leon._

_Leon: Hey! That's not fair! I only talk about chicks a lot, I haven't really dated many…_

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!

_Maizono: Well, it's not good, but it's not completely terrible, I guess._

_Leon: It was pretty short, though._

*'**"***"**'*

Leon closed the laptop and called out to the empty space, "Hey, Monokuma! We read it, can we leave now?"

"No, no, no, the despair has just begun…upupu…"

(AN: These three were an interesting combination to work with, and the reason I called Leon by his first name is simply because I'm used to referring to him by that. If any of them seemed out of character, it's my fault, so please let me know. Until next chapter!)


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"It's nighttime! You know what that means!" Monokuma cried out happily, waking Leon from his nap.

"Really? This again?" He grumbled.

"Shut up! Just read it!" Monokuma disappeared before anyone else could object.

Maizono opened the laptop and said, "Might as well get this over with, right?"

*'**"***"**'*

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

_**Leon: Did the spelling get worse?**_

_**Maizono: And apparently people didn't like the story.**_

_**Leon: Well, there's not much to like.**_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_**Ikusaba: What's the point of the 666? **_

_**Maizono: I don't know.**_

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again.

_**Maizono: Is that even possible? Isn't snow frozen rain?**_

I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had.

_**Ikusaba: Where did she get the blood? **_

_**Leon: Does it matter?**_

_**Ikusaba: Yes. If she got it from the local residents, it would raise their suspicions, then they would find her, slay her, and end this ridiculous story, so yes, it matters.**_

_**Maizono: You really don't like this story, do you?**_

My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas.

_**Leon: Who sleeps in a coffin? It's creepy, not to mention uncomfortable.**_

_**Maizono: This girl seems to like creepy and uncomfortable things.**_

Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

_**Leon: I don't care what she's wearing. Man, is she going to do this every time she gets dressed?**_

_**Ikusaba: Looks like it.**_

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!)

_**Maizono: Great, a friend insert. **_

_**Leon: Was that sarcasm, Maizono? You don't usually talk like that.**_

_**Maizono: Well, it's just if a person's your friend, it doesn't mean they would make a good character. Also it creates a sort of pressure between the two, especially if the friends have a tendency to fight…**_

_**Leon: Do you speak from experience?**_

_**Maizono: No, it has nothing to do with the frog in the s- never mind.**_

woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

_**Ikusaba: This is getting old fast.**_

_**Leon: You said it. I don't give a damn what you or your friend wear. Just get back to the non-existent plot so we can finish this up.**_

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

_**Maizono: Does anyone actually say the letters, 'OMFG', and does it count as cussing if you only say the letter?**_

_**Ikusaba: But it's typed as one word, how would you pronounce that?**_

_**Leon: Om-fuh-guh. Omfuhguh. Sounds like a beat Om Om Om fuh guh fuh guh Om. Yeah.**_

_**Maizono & Ikusaba: … **_

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

_**Maizono: Oh, they're Slytherin. That explains a lot.**_

_**Ikusaba: Are Slytherins the bad guys?**_

_**Maizono: Kind of, but almost all of them are selfish.**_

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

_**Leon: Ebony and Draco, sitting in a tree, **_

_**Maizono: K-I-S-S-I-N-G**_

_**Leon: First comes love, then comes marriage,**_

_**Ikusaba: Then comes being stabbed in the bathroom by your ex!**_

_**Maizono: What is that supposed to mean?**_

_**Ikusaba: Come on, have you seen the shipping between you two?**_

_**Maizono & Leon: What?!**_

_**Ikusaba: While you guys were napping, I was browsing the internet for a little bit, and found some… interesting things. I'm not saying anything else, so don't ask.**_

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

_**Ikusaba: Even though you just said you didn't like him, you're flirting with him.**_

_**Maizono: Would you admit that you have a crush on somebody?**_

_**Ikusaba: M-maybe I would, and maybe I w-wouldn't. Does it matter?**_

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

_**Leon: 5 bucks MCR plays in Hogsmeade before chapter 10.**_

_**Ikusaba: You're on. **_

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

_**Maizono: That's how you end it? At least answer the question before ending the chapter!**_

_**Leon: Hey, at least we're done with this piece of garbage for now, right?**_

_**Ikusaba: I just have a bad feeling this will get worse.**_

_**Leon: Nah, you're just being paranoid. **_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Oh, I can't wait! I'm so excited!" Monokuma cried out.

"What are you happy about?" Leon grumbled.

"New motive, new murder… Place your bets, who's going to die? You know what, if you manage to guess correctly the victim and/or murderer, you don't have to read chapter 4!" Monokuma told the three. "Here's a hint: the motive was deep, dark secrets and embarrassing memories!"

Leon thought about this and tried to guess, "Well, Fujisaki is kind of weak, but then so is Naegi, but I could see Celes or Fukawa killing someone…"

"You guys only get one guess each!"

Maizono thought for a few seconds and replied, "It's not fair to do this, judging our friends… but I say Fujisaki." Her eyes refused to meet anyone else's as she answered.

Leon was less certain of his answer, "I say, Fukawa, no, Togami, no Fujisaki, no Yamada, um, Fukawa, yeah, her…."

Ikusaba was the last to answer. "Um, I say Oowada. I think he would accidentally kill someone, I mean, he could never control his temper."

Monokuma looked at each student slowly, taking in what they said. "Duly noted. Now, onto the next chapter!"

*'**"***"**'*

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK!

_**Leon: Maybe people wouldn't flame it if it didn't suck so bad.**_

_**Ikusaba: And the LOUD ANNOYING CAPS aren't helping her case.**_

odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws!

_**Maizono: People said good things about it?**_

FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

_**Maizono: dis? What is she talking about?**_

_**Ikusaba: Don't try to understand, Maizono. You'll only hurt yourself and all the brain cells you have. But I think she's talking about Harry Potter. Maybe. **_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels.

_**Leon: No, not another clothing description, please.**_

Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.

_**Leon: God, I don't want to hear about whatever crap you're wearing.**_

_**Maizono: I wonder what that would actually look like…**_

_**Leon & Ikusaba: NO!**_

I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.

_**Maizono: Did she just-**_

_**Ikusaba: Nonchalantly describe self-harm, which a very worrisome behavior? Yes.**_

_**Leon: Haven't people died from doing that?**_

_**Maizono: As we all are dead, I think it is safe to say that we do not appreciate this trivialization. **_

I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC.

_**Leon: What was the book one of Fukawa's novels?**_

_**Maizono: Leon, don't be mean.**_

I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner.

_**Ikusaba: That's physically impossible. Your face couldn't support the weight of one ton of anything, much less tons of eyeliner.**_

_**Maizono: Don't you think she's exaggerating?**_

_**Ikusaba: Oh, right. Never mind. **_

Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

_**Ikusaba: Am I the only one bothered about where she got the blood?**_

_**Leon: No, but I just don't want to think about it too much.**_

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car.

_**Maizono: No, that's wrong! Draco doesn't own a flying car! The only flying car in the series belongs to the Weasley's and if I remember correctly, it was an illegal experiment by Mr. Weasley.**_

_**Leon: Aren't you overreacting a little? **_

_**Maizono: No! Breaking the canon is the one of the worst crimes possible! **_

He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

_**Leon: I'm cool, and I don't need eyeliner, and also nobody cares what Draco is wearing.**_

_**Ikusaba: Are you just going to repeat how much you don't care?**_

_**Leon: If that's what I have to do. **_

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

_**Ikusaba: How can she be depressed and say hello with an exclamation point? **_

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.

_**Maizono: That's not even remotely healthy. I'm actually worried about the health of this author.**_

_**Leon: You didn't before?**_

When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

_**Ikusaba: It's actually funny picturing them just bouncing up and down, like rabbits.**_

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

_**Leon: I would hope she didn't, I actually like that song.**_

_**Maizono: Oh, you're into that kind of stuff…**_

_**Leon: Just because this crazy chic likes Good Charlotte doesn't mean it's a bad band.**_

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

_**Leon: That's kind of a dick move, saying that on your first date.**_

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

_**Ikusaba: No kidding. **_

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

_**Maizono: At least she's better than a certain oblivious protagonist…**_

_**Ikusaba: Who are you talking about?**_

_**Leon: Um, you know… that one guy who can't get the message…**_

_**Maizono: Though it's completely obvious that at least one girl likes him…**_

_**Ikusaba: I'm still confused. Are you talking about Naegi?**_

_**Leon: Duh! **_

_**Ikusaba: Wait, who else likes him! Tell me!**_

_**Leon: Get…off…me…**_

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

_**Maizono: Isn't this a first date? This seems to be moving kind of fast.**_

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

_**Leon: No, I think Ebony is the bitch here.**_

_**Maizono: Isn't that kind of harsh?**_

_**Leon: Well, so far her author's notes are incomprehensible, she flips off random people, and hates people for no reason besides them not being 'goffik', so yeah, she's a bitch. **_

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them.

_**Maizono: I thought Draco didn't like muggles.**_

We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!

_**Ikusaba: Those dots were not necessary. People's eyes just automatically skip over them, leaping immediately to the next bit of text. If you want suspense, move it at least to the next paragraph, or even better, take away the dots, still leaving the mystery of why Draco drove them there.**_

_**Leon: Ikusaba, I know what you're saying, but please stop trying to improve or bring logic into this. It takes too long.**_

_**Maizono: But at least we don't have to read chapter four, right? Even thought I hate to be judging my friends like this…**_

_**Ikusaba: Says the one who stabbed Naegi in the back.**_

_**Maizono: Only metaphorically, and it was because… I was trying to actually stab Leon beca-**_

_**Ikusaba: Save your excuses for next chapter. **_

_**Leon: …**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Damn it!" Leon cried as he lost for the fifteenth time in a row. "How do you do that Maizono?"

"I told you, I'm a-" Maizono's response was cut off by a loud 'BANG!' and Monokuma appeared, with two semi-conscious bodies in tow.

"ding dong bing bong! I'm back! And look who I have with me! Man, you should have seen it! Tragic backstories, serial killers, cross-dressing, tampering with the crime scene; we had it all! But back to business. Maizono, Ikusaba, since you guessed correctly, you don't have to read chapter four! But our loser, Leon, gets to read it with Fujisaki and Owada! Let's make this reading the best reading it can be!"

"Wait. What!?" Leon yelled, facing the girls. "How did you manage to guess that right?"

"I'm an esper." Maizono answered. "Just kidding. It was a gut feeling."

"I have my ways." Ikusaba whispered. The two girls went down the trapdoor that appeared when Monokuma left. Leon tried to follow them, but the door slammed shut and locked itself.

"Shit." Leon went over and woke up Fujisaki and Owada.

"Bro… Wait, what the hell! The fuck is this? Leon? You're supposed to be dead!" Owada then proceeded to shout a long string of 'sentence enhancers'.

"I d-don't understand. W-what's hap-pening?" Fujisaki muttered nervously.

Leon tried to calm the two down and explain the situation. "Calm down. Yeah, I'm dead, and so is everyone here. Monokuma somehow trapped us here and is making us read shit."

"H-how is that meta-metaphysically possible?" Fujisaki asked.

"Just ignore that problem, just like I'm ignoring the fact Monokuma said 'cross-dressing' and I saw up your skirt." Leon replied, trying to erase certain mental images.

Owada interrupted that train of thought with, "Didn't you say we had to read some shit? Let's just do that, then we can talk about… stuff."

*'**"***"**'*

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY

_**Owada: The fuck? Did this person just spell their name wrong?**_

_**Leon: Just warning you, this is the first of many things wrong with this story.**_

_**Fujisaki: And you said Monokuma made us read this? Wouldn't it make more sense if he was the one who wrote it?**_

nut mary su OK!

_***one internet search later* Fujisaki: *ahem* In fan fiction, a Mary Sue is an idealized character often but not necessarily an author insert. **_

_**Leon: So Enoby in a nutshell then.**_

_**Fujisaki: Are you going to call her that from now on?**_

_**Leon: She said it, not me. And in caps, no less. **_

DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her

_**Owada: Draco? That asshole from Harry Potter? And he loves her?!**_

_**Fujisaki: You know about Harry Potter?**_

_**Owada: No, it's just… my bro told me about it one time… **_

dat he is acting defrent!

_**Fujisaki: What does she mean, 'Draco is acting different'? **_

_**Leon: I'm no expert, but Enoby's destroying his character.**_

_**Fujisaki: WHAT?!**_

_**Leon: Whoa, Don't get your frills in a fuss. **_

dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

_**Leon: She can't just add that as an afterthought!**_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_**Owada: What the hell is that 666?**_

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

_**Fujisaki: Yeah, what he is doing?**_

_**Leon: Last chapter he drove her into the Forbidden Forest.**_

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

_**Fujisaki: Draco doesn't have a flying car! In fact, he would hate owning such a thing!**_

_**Leon: That's what Maizono said last time.**_

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

_**Leon: He called her by the wrong name, that's why she's mad.**_

_**Fujisaki: They're in the Forbidden Forest, why hasn't something tried to eat them or shoot them with arrows yet?**_

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

_**Fujisaki: That's completely wrong! Draco isn't evil or depressed! Fine, he's depressed for the majority of the- that's not the point! This is wrong! And why would evilness make you not mad?! I'm getting mad just reading this…**_

_**Owada: What the fucking hell?! Red eyes?! How is that attractive?**_

_**Fujisaki: That's kind of surprising, coming from you.**_

_**Owada: What does that mean? **_

_**Fujisaki: I mean… Ishimaru… and the sauna…**_

_**Leon: You two are getting way too worked up over this. And what about a sauna?**_

_**Owada: Forget about it. Forget or I'll cave your face in! **_

And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately.

_**Leon: It's the first date, she was acting like a bitch, and now they're making out?!**_

_**Fujisaki: Grammatically incorrect making out. **_

Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree.

_**Leon: I'm feeling sorry for the tree at this point.**_

He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra.

_**Leon: I do not like where this is going…**_

_**Fujisaki: Me neither. Owada, you've been quiet lately is something wrong?**_

Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

_**Leon & Owada: WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FUCK?!**_

_**Fujisaki: Did they just…**_

_**Leon: um…. Yep. **_

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm.

_**Owada: Holy mother of… **_

_**Leon: I just have one word. Ew. **_

_**Fujisaki: … **_

We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

_**Leon: Yes! What are they doing?! **_

_**Owada: I like this dude already.**_

It was…

_**Leon: Enough with the god-damn dots! You just lost your virginity!**_

_**Fujisaki: What does that have to do with periods?**_

_**Leon: … *trying hard not to laugh***_

….Dumbledore!

_**Fujisaki: Dumbledore doesn't curse! You're completely messing everything up! Ebony… you… you… good-for-nothing-wannabe-author that can't use spellcheck!**_

_**Leon: At least it's over for now.**_

_**Owada: You weren't kidding. This is a literal piece of shit. Did a person actually write this?**_

_**Monokuma: Upupu! Wouldn't you like to know!**_

_**Owada: Come here, you little fucker! I'm going to kill you for this!**_

_**Monokuma: Not going to happen!**_

*'**"***"**'*

Monokuma then flipped perspectives, confusing the three students temporarily by the sudden break of the fourth wall by the narrator.

"Man, things got hot and steamy fast didn't they?" Monokuma asked, and continued without waiting for a reply. "So the deal with the next chapter is since there are five of you guys here now… nah, I'm not going to tell you!" Monokuma disappeared in his usual fashion, and Maizono and Ikusaba emerged from the trapdoor.

"What happened?" Maizono asked.

"Something really fucked up." Owada answered.

Ikusaba was skeptical. "It couldn't have been that bad."

Leon corrected her. "People were literally getting fucked up."

"I don't want to know, do I?" Ikusaba replied.

"No, you don't." Fujisaki answered, quiet from his earlier outburst.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

(AN: I just want to give a big thank you to everyone who has read this and wrote reviews. They really make my day. Also, in response to Luckenhaft's wonderful little analysis, anything is shippable, and SHSL Hope = SHLS Pimp )

"So, now what? There are five of us here, and Monokuma seems pretty insistent on only letting a few of us read at once." Ikusaba noted.

"That's what you're concerned about?" Leon asked. "I'm more worried about a certain revelation that I'm still not sure what to think of."

"D-do we really need to keep talking about that?" Fujisaki pleaded.

Owada jumped to Fujisaki's defense. "Yeah, no need to keep talking shit about it, man!"

Owada was in Leon's face, inches from a fight, when Maizono interrupted.

"Boys, we need to stop with this. After all, Monokuma is going to arrive with the next chapter soon."

"What makes you say that?" Leon asked, moving his face out of Owada's hair.

On cue, Monokuma arrived. "Because it's true! Here I have it! Now who should read it this time… Let's have the girls read it this time! You too, Firefox frills !"

"Finally, a break!" Leon yelled. "Wait, you still use Firefox?"

"It's better than Google plus." Fujisaki mumbled.

*'**"***"**'*

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr!

_**Maizono: But there's more than just those two categories. I should know. **_

Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache

_**Fujisaki: That's completely wrong! A headache would not cause a generally composed character to yell and curse. And by that logic, Owada would have a headache all the time.**_

ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx!

_**Ikusaba: So, that's what happened last chapter? Glad I wasn't there.**_

_**Maizono: Me too.**_

_**Fujisaki: It was terrible, in more ways than one. **_

PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

_**Fujisaki: Who would give this good reviews?**_

_**Ikusaba: People who probably like making fun of it.**_

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_**Maizono: Ok, so this is a regular thing.**_

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

_**Ikusaba: Maybe he's yelling because you can't use proper grammar. **_

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.

_**Maizono: Isn't that the name of a rapper?**_

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face.

_**Fujisaki: Tears of blood? That isn't healthy, or natural!**_

_**Maizono: She is, supposedly, a vampire.**_

_**Fujisaki: That's even worse! Vampires don't have any blood in their veins!**_

_**Ikusaba: Then what about the part where she slit her wrist?**_

Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

_**Ikusaba: Why are they mad? They haven't been told anything yet.**_

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.

_**Ikusaba: That's what we all want to know. **_

_**Fujisaki: I agree. **_

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

_**Maizono: I imagine him shrieking would not be very pleasant.**_

_**Fujisaki: What's more unpleasant is what he's saying.**_

_**Ikusaba: Fujisaki, I've never seen you this mad before.**_

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

_**Maizono: That's it? After all of Dumbledore's yelling, they don't get punished?**_

_**Ikusaba: She's the main character, they don't get punished.**_

_**Fujisaki: That's not true and you know it! Harry got detention plenty of times throughout the series! **_

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

_**Maizono: That's actually kind of sweet.**_

_**Ikusaba: Are you saying something good about this? Blasphemy!**_

_**Maizono: Sorry… I'm just trying to be optimistic. **_

"Yeah I guess." I lied.

_**Ikusaba: Great, you're lying to your **__**boyfriend,**__**friend, lover,**__** one night stand man, I don't know what to call him.**_

_**Fujisaki: Just Draco will do, even though he doesn't deserve that name now. **_

I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels.

_**Maizono: More clothing descriptions. I wonder what her favorite colors are?**_

_**Ikusaba: This seems to bring out the sarcasm in everyone. **_

When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom,

_**Fujisaki: That's a little creepy, especially if he still has those red eye contacts. **_

and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte.

_**Maizono: I didn't know Draco could sing. **_

I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there.

_**Ikusaba: You two were so close to getting in trouble, are you going to risk that again?**_

_**Fujisaki: I have a guess… yes, they will. **_

We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

_**Ikusaba: Well, that's over. **_

_**Maizono: Kind of anti-climactic, though. **_

_**Fujisaki: It's better that way… trust me. **_


	6. Chapter 6

Monokuma arrived as usual. "New chapter! Let's have… Corn Cob, Firefox Frills, and Backstab Singer this time!" He disappeared without another word.

"That was pretty fast. Usually he says something more." Leon noticed.

"Maybe he's running out of gimmicks." Ikusaba guessed.

"Whatever." Leon replied, "I'm out of here."

*'**"***"**'*

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!

_**Owada: Can't this bitch learn to spell first?**_

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_**Fujisaki: Have we decided to ignore that?**_

_**Maizono: Looks like it.**_

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears.

_**Fujisaki: I thought she was a vampire? They usually don't like crosses.**_

_**Maizono: Well, her teeth are straight, so I guess the rules are thrown out of the window.**_

I spray-painted my hair with purple.

_**Owada: I can't tell you how many shits I don't give.**_

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood.

_**Maizono: That sounds kind of nasty.**_

_**Fujisaki: I would think human blood would taste terrible.**_

_**Maizono: No, not that part. Who eats cereal with something other than milk? That completely ruins the whole thing!**_

Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily.

_**Maizono: That's a bit of an overreaction.**_

_**Owada: Nah, it's not. **_

I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it.

_**Owada: And who the hell are you?**_

_**Fujisaki: M-maybe another friend in-insert? P-please let it be that.**_

He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face

_**Maizono: You were… going down his face?**_

and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore

_**Fujisaki: No… no…**_

and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore.

_**Maizono: She can't be serious…**_

He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden.

_**Fujisaki: That's not even remotely true…**_

He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko.

_**Owada: That's still gross, even if she is a chic. **_

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

_**Fujisaki & Maizono: *crossing fingers intensely***_

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.

_**Maizono: NNNOOOOO! What have you done to Harry?!**_

_**Fujisaki: How dare you do this! You… you… MUDBLOOD VAMPIRE FAKER! Don't drag Harry down to your level!**_

_**Maizono: Owada… what is your hand doing halfway through the wall?**_

_**Owada: Holy fucking shit on a stick…**_

"Why?" I exclaimed.

_**Fujisaki: That's what we want to know! Why did you do this?!**_

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.

_**Owada: 'He giggled'? What the fuck is wrong with him?**_

_**Fujisaki: Ebony. That's what's wrong… she's ruining everything! *sniff***_

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared.

_**Maizono: Is she just putting in random adjectives? Because those last two adjectives did not fit with what was being said. **_

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.

_**Fujisaki: S-so you just walk away f-from ruining one of my favorite childhood characters? I-I can't believe you… *sniff* *sniff***_

_**Owada: They made Fujisaki cry… nobody gets away with that in my book! Fuck you and I hope you burn in hell, Ebony! YEARGGH!**_

*'**"***"**'*

Owada's fist flew towards the computer with all of his strength, cracking the screen and the shards cutting into his hand.

Maizono cried out, "You're hand! It's bleeding, let me help you!"

"Y-you broke it…" Monokuma muttered behind them. "Do you have any idea how much that cost? Not much, but that's not the point!"

"Ah!" Maizono screamed, "Where did you come from?"

"I've been here the whole time! I just came to tell you the replacement laptop will arrive next chapter! As for Owada's hand… that's your punishment for breaking school property!"

"Fucking hell." Owada muttered.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

The five students sat in a circle, discussing everything that had happened to them to this point. After several hours of heartfelt talk, crying, denial, and two-almost fights, everyone was one the same page, and very minimal hard feelings remained. Ikusaba revealed everything, (the source of most of the denial and the two fights) so that was on the table.

"Ok, now what's going to happen?" Maizono asked.

A laptop fell out of a hole in the ceiling to answer her question. There was a sticky-note on it that read, "Don't break this one, ok you bastards? And we'll have Leon, Owada, and Ikusaba read this chapter. Upupu." (Yes, the laugh was written on the note.)

"There doesn't seem to be much thought process going into deciding who reads this." Ikusaba noted as she opened the laptop.

*'**"***"**'*

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws.

_**Leon: You've got to be kidding me. **_

_**Ikusaba: Maybe she wrote the reviews herself.**_

n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons!

_**Owada: Tin god vons? What the hell does that mean?**_

_**Ikusaba: *one internet search later* She wants a holy supermarket made of tin.**_

_**Owada: Are you screwing with me?**_

_**Ikusaba: No, see, Vons is a supermarket chain. Who knew. **_

STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U!

_**Leon: You stop writing or I'll report you!**_

_**Ikusaba: Who would report her to?**_

_**Leon: I dunno. Maybe the Redundant Department of Redundancy.**_

_**Ikusaba: I think she's the president of that department. **_

Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS!

_**Ikusaba: And according to you, a Satanist is perfect, so still a Mary Sue.**_

_**Owada: She still can't spell Ebony fucking Way's name right. **_

n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

_**Leon: Doesn't stop her from getting all the guys. **_

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_**Owada: Oh, look a random Z, and the totally hidden 666s.**_

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs.

_**Leon: Wait, does that mean Draco is wearing nail polish too? *cough*gay*cough***_

I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish

_**Ikusaba: Didn't she just say her nails were black?**_

(AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?).

_**Leon & Ikusaba & Owada: YES!**_

I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco.

_**Owada: Or maybe he's sad about something else! The world doesn't revolve around bitches like you! We're dead for fuck's sake! We should be the depressed ones god damn it!**_

Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…

_**Leon: Great. More of the damn dots. **_

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically.

_**Ikusaba: Where to start with this sentence… **_

_**Owada: What's Frenching?**_

_**Ikusaba: Not to mention doing it passively. Maybe they are talking to each other in French, without any enthusiasm? **_

_**Leon: That's a funny picture, but they're taking their clothes off enthusiastically. Isn't that a contradiction? **_

He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants.

_**Ikusaba: That's just… gross. I can't think of another word for it.**_

_**Leon: I got one. How about fucked up?**_

_**Owada: Or bullshit? **_

_**Ikusaba: I think... never mind I won't say it.**_

We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine

_**Ikusaba: Wait. That implies that Ebony has a 'boy's thingy' of her own.**_

_**Leon: Don't make us sick, I just ate!**_

_**Ikusaba: You're dead. You've have eaten in days.**_

and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)

_**Owada: Unbelievably stupid.**_

_**Leon: Undeniably stupid.**_

_**Ikusaba: Undoubtedly stupid. **_

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm.

_**Leon: You had sex with him before, how could you not notice it?**_

It was a black heart with an arrow through it.

_**Owada: Is everything black in this shit storm?!**_

On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire!

_**Ikusaba: Are you serious Ebony?! Don't turn this love triangle into a… well, it's still a triangle… you know what I mean!**_

I was so angry.

_**Ikusaba: Why? That tattoo is obviously old. **_

_**Owada: How do you know?**_

_**Ikusaba: Well, if you get a tattoo, the skin is very sensitive the first couple of days, so that means he couldn't have gotten it during the short time he was with Ebony.**_

_**Leon: Stop with the logic in this shitty story!**_

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

_**Ikusaba: Knew what? If anyone doesn't know anything, it's Ebony.**_

_**Leon: Agreed.**_

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"

_**Owada: What does a stupid tattoo have to do with AIDs?**_

_**Ikusaba: A bit of a jump in logic. Just because Draco *apparently* swings both ways doesn't mean he has a sexually transmitted disease.**_

_**Leon: Wait, why does Draco swing both ways, it doesn't say anything in the movies.**_

_**Ikusaba: Ebony decided it, and her word is law in this fuckcluster. **_

_**Owada: Wait… is that the first time you've cussed?**_

_**Ikusaba: So?**_

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked.

_**Leon: Isn't this the first time she hasn't described her entire wardrobe? **_

_**Ikusaba: Are you going to ignore Draco's lack of clothes?**_

_**Leon: Shh… don't ruin this moment for me.**_

He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care.

_**Owada: Come on, just say he had a big dick. It's not hard. *snicker***_

_**Leon: It's not hard? Mmph haha *hysterical laughter***_

_**Ikusaba: Honestly, grow up you two. Just pretend the you-know-what is something else. Like a giant phone, or a shoe, or something. **_

I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom

_**Leon: How do you know where that is? **_

where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

_**Ikusaba: Other people? I feel bad for them.**_

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.

_**Leon: Wait, when did he fuck her mother?**_

_**Owada: Geez…**_

_**Leon: I wouldn't be surprised, honestly…**_

_**Ikusaba: I'm done. I'm done with this.**_

_**Owada: I think we're all done. **_

_**Monokuma: In that case, see you next chapter!**_

(AN: I hope you enjoyed, and thanks for your support! So I've decided that you guys should decide who reads the next chapter! Leave a review or PM me, whatever you prefer!)


	8. Chapter 8

(AN: I thought you guys would like to know 3 things: 1. There are 44 total chapters of this atrocity 2. Celes will make her appearance in Chapter 10. 3. Yamada and Ishimaru will arrive next chapter!)

Monokuma walked in the room, his footsteps making squishy noises that was either cute or disturbing. "After all of this, I'm actually quite disappointed. This is as boring as hell! So, I'm going to read this with Ikusaba and-"

"I'm not reading anything with you." Ikusaba protested, her face clearly revolted.

"Too bad, Freckles. You and Fujisaki are reading this with everyone's favorite mascot!"

"W-why us?" Fujisaki stuttered.

"Why?" Monokuma leaned towards Fujisaki, "because you two are the ones that hate it the most! Upupu. Don't you feel so much despair?"

*'**"***"**'*

AN: stop flassing ok!

_**Ikusaba: Is she trying to say flossing?**_

_**Fujisaki: But it's essential t-to oral health.**_

if u do de prep!

_**Monokuma: You hear that, you preps?**_

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_**Monokuma: Look at the elegantly hidden 666.**_

_**Ikusaba: You actually enjoy this?**_

_**Monokuma: What's not to like?**_

Everyone in the class stared at me

_**Fujisaki: W-well you did just run in and shout…**_

and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked

_**Ikusaba: Draco, put some clothes back on!**_

_**Monokuma: Come on, he has a big you-know-what.**_

_**Ikusaba: Don't remind me. **_

and started begging me to take him back.

_**Fujisaki Don't do that! Not even Voldemort deserves Ebony!**_

_**Monokuma: You keep acting way more confident. **_

_**Fujisaki: Well, um… I want to defend these characters that can't help themselves. I think? **_

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly.

_**Ikusaba: And who the hell are you? And understatedly? What does that mean? **_

_**Fujisaki: *flips through dictionary* Um, it means 'done in a simple or quiet way, avoiding obvious emphasis and embellishment.' **_

_**Ikusaba: Wait, how did she manage to spell that right?**_

She flipped her long waste-length

_**Ikusaba: I'll say she's a waste.**_

gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood

_**Fujisaki: Blood isn't red! **_

_**Monokuma: Blood has always been that color, Fujisaki.**_

_**Fujisaki: No it isn't! It's Pepto-Bismol pink!**_

that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on.

_**Ikusaba: Blah, blah, I don't care about your friend Mary! And who puts an apostrophe in 'bloody'?**_

Hermione was kidnapped when she was born.

_**Ikusaba & Fujisaki: NO! NNNOOOO!**_

_**Monokuma: Man, you guys sound like you found out Darth Vader was your father.**_

_**Fujisaki: N-no, that would be kind of cool, but this is just wrong.**_

Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed.

_**Fujisaki: *hands over ears and eyes shut* I-I'm not hearing this…**_

It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )

_**Ikusaba: Um, Fujisaki?**_

_**Fujisaki: La, la…**_

_**Monokuma: I think he's broken. Upupu…**_

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape

_**Fujisaki: That's seems… strangely accurate.**_

demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

_**Fujisaki: And there the moment goes. You don't ignore Snape.**_

_**Ikusaba: *flips through dictionary* But 'demeaned' means to lower in status, character, or reputation. **_

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.

_**Ikusaba: Wait. Vampire cheated on her?**_

_**Fujisaki: B-but by that logic, that means Ebony and Vampire were dating.**_

_**Ikusaba: Moving on.**_

Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me.

_**Fujisaki: Why is she referring to herself in third person?**_

_**Ikusaba: Wait, I think this is someone else's perspective.**_

_**Fujisaki: But don't you need to put in some type of warning first?**_

_**Ikusaba: Have you forgotten? This is Ebony's world. She can do whatever she wants.**_

I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony)

_**Fujisaki: …**_

_**Ikusaba: Wait, does this mean Ebony will start stealing everyone's hearts, regardless of gender? Because that would be bad. I mean, worse than it currently is. **_

for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker.

_**Ikusaba: So, Vampire is bi too. Is anyone straight here?**_

_**Monokuma: I'm as straight as a ruler.**_

_**Ikusaba: Then what's your gender?**_

_**Monokuma: Too cruel… talk about hitting where it hurts… But what about you Fujisaki? How do you swing?**_

_**Fujisaki: N-none of your business!**_

_**Ikusaba: Leave him alone.**_

_**Monokuma: Fine, Ms. Forever Alone/ Hopeless Crush/ Possible Twincest.**_

_**Ikusaba: …**_

We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

_**Ikusaba: What do horrible problems have to do with being gothic? A prep can just as easily go through equally terrible problems. Like being locked in a school and being told to kill each other to escape. **_

_**Fujisaki: By a terrible sadist mechanical bear. **_

_**Monokuma: I'm hurt. Do you really not like me?**_

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed.

_**Ikusaba: Back to Ebony. She almost cusses as much as Owada.**_

_**Fujisaki: Maybe a little more…**_

I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco

_**Monokuma: And you know what virility is, right? **_

_**Ikusaba: *flips through dictionary* Oh…**_

_**Fujisaki: What does it mean?**_

_**Ikusaba: I feel so bad for that tree. It means… manhood, or things associated with men. **_

and then I started to bust into tears.

_**Fujisaki: Bust? How does that even work?**_

_**Monokuma: Now that's a mental image! This was fun, but I have a feeling we're going to have more company soon! See you soon!**_


	9. Chapter 9

The room was quiet, which was perfectly normal considering all of its occupants were asleep, which doesn't seem possible for the deceased but it is because of important author reasons, when a thud shook the room, followed by a much larger one.

Ikusaba's eyes snapped open and found she couldn't move at all. She was crushed by something large and… the lump suddenly moved, allowing Ikusaba to move out of the way. When she looked back she realized it was Yamada. Continuing to look around the room, she saw Fujisaki slowly approaching Ishimaru's unconscious body.

"H-how could this happen? Wh-why do we keep doing this to each other?" Fujisaki cried.

"I'll tell you why!" Monokuma announced, "For ten billion yen!"

"For money?" Ikusaba asked. "Who would kill for something that… trivial?"

Yamada's eyes fluttered open, and whispered softly, "Taeko… Yasuhiro… did this…"

"Who?" Owada asked who had just woken up and noticed the new arrivals.

Yamada sat up and shook his head. "Um, Celes… she… with the hammer…what?"

Ishimaru was beginning to stir, and Owada rushed over, shocked. "Bro? Why? You were supposed to live… I'll kill whoever did this to you!" Yamada's face contorted into an expression made up of many different emotions.

Monokuma interrupted with, "Enough with your stupid drama. Everyone get out of here except for Ishimaru, Yamada, and Maizono."

"Why me?" Maizono asked rubbing sleep out of her eyes.

"Do I need a reason? You've been here the longest. Now let's get started!"

*'**"***"**'*

_**Ishimaru: Wait, what's going on? **_

_**Maizono: Do you want the short or the long version?**_

_**Ishimaru: Am I dead? Is this heaven? Purgatory?**_

_**Maizono: I'm not sure, but my best guess is hell?**_

_**Yamada: So… like Angel Beats? Or…**_

_**Maizono: So, basically Monokuma is making us read this… fan-fiction? Atrocity? Disgrace to the English language? Right…**_

_**Ishimaru: That doesn't make any sense.**_

_**Yamada: Fan-fiction? Of what fandom? What shippings? What rating? This might not be hell after all.**_

_**Maizono: Yes, loosely based on Harry Potter, the Mary Sue author insert x all the boys, rating… hard to say. **_

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox!

_**Ishimaru: *twitch* The spelling… the grammar… **_

_**Maizono: You'll learn to read it. It's like another language, you learn with practice. **_

_**Yamada: Nyeh… it better have some good scenes. **_

dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers!

_**Maizono: Dumbledore didn't cuss in the movies, and you're the author so it is your fault if he swears.**_

_**Ishimaru: Why are you arguing with written words on a page?**_

besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE!

_**Ishimaru: That's not a reasonable explanation.**_

_**Yamada: Worse excuses have been given.**_

and da reson snap dosent lik harry now

_**Maizono: He's never licked Harry before! And he never will!**_

is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX

_**Ishimaru: Wait, I thought it was talking about Harry. Who's this Vampire?**_

_**Maizono: It's what she calls him. Also, he's a vampire in this.**_

_**Yamada: Changing characters to fulfill certain desires… this is nothing new, but insulting to canon. **_

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I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me.

_**Maizono: He didn't cheat on you! If you just listened for two seconds it would be obvious!**_

I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.

_**Ishimaru: Did what against a tree?**_

_**Yamada: Master Sayaka Maizono how was this event described?**_

_**Maizono: I wasn't there for it, so I don't know, and I don't want to know.**_

_**Ishimaru: What are you talking about?**_

_**Yamada: Ho, I have much to teach you.**_

Then all of a suddenly,

_**Ishimaru: There's no need for the 'ly' at the end. Why is it there?**_

an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything

_**Ishimaru: What is 'everything'? Does it include a rule book? A car?**_

**_Maizono: Maybe he's carrying everything in a big sack?_**

**_Yamada: Including every episode of every anime ever?_**

**_Maizono: And proper grammar and storytelling? And hammers? _**

**_Ishimaru & Yamada: ... _**

started flying towards me on a broomstick!

_**Maizono: Three guesses who it is.**_

_**Yamada: Ishimaru?**_

_**Ishimaru: Such a notion is ridiculous!**_

_**Yamada: But it said 'horrible' and 'red eyes'.**_

_**Maizono: Ishimaru is not horrible!**_

_**Yamada: He stole Alter Ego!**_

_**Ishimaru: I did no such thing! You did that!**_

_**Maizono: Break it up. Read, and then argue, ok?**_

He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie)

_**Ishimaru: Did she just tell us who it was?**_

_**Yamada: Please tell me that she and Voldemort…**_

_**Maizono: No! That's gross!**_

_**Yamada: That's the only way it could make up for the rest of its horribleness. **_

and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort!

_**Maizono: Surprise! Poor Voldemort doesn't stand a chance against a Mary Sue.**_

_**Yamada: You don't understand, she will keep him alive, to keep up a pretense of conflict.**_

_**Maizono: How are you so sure?**_

_**Yamada: A Mary Sue will want to continue the 'adventure' for as long as possible. When you have been in the doujinshi business as long as I have, it's easy to figure out. **_

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

_**Maizono: Wait, what does that spell do again?**_

_**Yamada: It makes the caster able to impose their will on the one they put the spell on. It opens many possibilities. **_

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him.

_**Maizono: That's the name of Hermione's cat! How do you not know that?**_

Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

_**Ishimaru: Such an act would be considered a crime!**_

_**Maizono: Oh, right, you weren't there when they did drugs.**_

_**Ishimaru: What! Such rules breakers! Did they get appropriate lectures and punishment?**_

_**Maizono: Um… no. **_

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!"

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden.

_**Yamada: This description makes me want to puke, and that's saying something.**_

_**Maizono: And I'm pretty sure he doesn't look like Joel Madden.**_

I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?

_**Yamada: Wait, Draco and this 'Vampire' were dating? Oh…**_

_**Maizono: Great job, Ebony. Good job figuring out the obvious.**_

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun.

_**Yamada: What? If it's magical girl, you don't use fists. If it's slice of life, you don't use scepters. When writing fan fiction, you milk the weapon of choice for all you got, and in this case, it's wands and magic! Guns are useless in a 2-D world!**_

"No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"

_**Maizono: Wait. If Voldemort can kill Draco, what's stopping him from killing Vampire or Ebony himself?**_

_**Ishimaru: Classmates, why are you concerning yourselves with a fictional work?**_

_**Maizono: Doesn't the lack of logic bother you?**_

_**Ishimaru: Well, not really… it's the spelling that really bothers me.**_

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

_**Maizono: Probably saw you guys making out or something. Bad guys know these kinds of things. **_

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face.

_**Yamada: How do you draw that?**_

_**Maizono: That's kind of funny, imaging Voldemort with that look. **_

"I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

_**Maizono: Did he finally put some clothes on?**_

_**Ishimaru: I would hope so, because dress codes need to be upheld!**_

_**Maizono: Thank goodness you haven't meet Ebony's wardrobe yet. **_

_**Yamada: What does that mean?**_

_**Maizono: She has a special… style.**_

_**Yamada: Can't be anymore unique than cosplay. **_

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

_**Maizono: That's it? She's way too calm!**_

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

_**Ishimaru: No. I don't get it**_

_**Maizono: Nobody does.**_

_**Yamada: It's simple, it's supposed to be a 'cross' but she-**_

_**Maizono: Yamada, no. Explanations can wait for later, like how you got here. **_

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.

_**Yamada: Expelled? Is no one else wondering? Just me? Oh…**_

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.

_**Ishimaru: That is a clear example of PDA! Did anyone see and report this?**_

_**Maizono: No, not to mention that they were just fighting and he is depressed. Wait, he's always depressed.**_

_**Ishimaru: I still don't understand any of this.**_

_**Maizono: And that is fine. **_


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**(**AN: Sorry about the long break, I had things to do, real life problems, but I'm back and with Celes!)

Maizono slowly closed the laptop, still reeling from the latest addition of the adventures of Enoby the Mary Sue. But Monokuma decided they weren't done yet. He reappeared, marching in with Celes calmly following him.

Celes was the first to speak. "Hello, everyone." The smile on her face was extremely disconcerting, considering the deathly circumstances. Putting aside the fact that Monokuma was making them read fan fiction.

Yamada had his arms crossed, and refused to look her in the eye.

"Look guys!" Monokuma pointed out the obvious. "Ms. Taeko Yasuhiro has joined us! We'll have Yamada and Leon introduce her to our activity! Everyone, make sure you get comfortable, because we won't be receiving any new visitors for a while!"

Celes glared at Monokuma with rage for using her name, but also confusion. The being dead part she could handle but having to speak with Yamada and Ishimaru was nothing short of horrifying and baffling, horraffling you might say.

Leon spoke up, trying to get rid of the awkward atmosphere. "Let's get started, and finish quick. And wait, didn't I have a bet with you?" He pointed to Ikusaba, who nodded. "What was it again?"

"You had five dollars on MCR having a concert before chapter 10."

"Did I say that? But we're Japanese…" Leon puzzled over this contradiction. But Monokuma cut him off.

"That's enough! Just read… I'll take care of all monetary interactions! Upupu…"

AN: stup it u gay fags

_**Celes: That's quite insulting. Is the language always like this?**_

_**Leon: Yes. Don't take it personally. **_

if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok!

_**Yamada: How disappointing. Explaining inconsistencies after they have been pointed out, how amateurish.**_

XXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_**Celes: Are those numbers supposed to represent something?**_

_**Leon: Yeah, but no one knows what. Probably something 'goffik'.**_

_**Celes: I beg your pardon?**_

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day.

_**Yamada: Liar. Mary Sues have nothing to fear. Ugh, this why people have such horrid preconceived notions about fan fiction! What kind of fan can't even spell the villain's name right?!**_

I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666.

_**Leon: Shit, the grammar is starting to kill me.**_

_**Celes: Don't be silly Leon. I think those baseballs already did the job.**_

_**Leon: You and Enoby can go die in a fire. **_

_**Celes: Done.**_

_**Leon: Huh?**_

I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR.

_**Yamada: I'm more into Vocaloid myself.**_

_**Leon: I might win this bet after all. **_

The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Hargrid.

_**Celes: Who are these people? And what is with their names?**_

_**Leon: Are you familiar with Harry Potter?**_

_**Celes: Is it relevant somehow, because no.**_

_**Leon: Just curious, but no, doesn't matter that much.**_

Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists

_**Leon: Why aren't you worried about the idiot? **_

(he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too

_**Yamada: Now you tell us? Then why are you worried about Voldemort killing him?**_

and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that)

_**Celes: That still counts as spelling it, and didn't she type it out earlier?**_

_**Leon: *scrolls up* Yeah she did. Stupid idiot.**_

_**Celes: Hehee**_

_**Leon: What's so funny?**_

_**Celes: This whole piece is just… amusing.**_

or a steak)

_**Leon: A ste-mphfff Hahaha! That is the best typo yet!**_

_**Yamada: *snigger* Such a… disgrace- hehehe!**_

_**Celes: This is different sort of vampire. Would any steak do, or does it have to be cooked?**_

_**Leon: You would be the expert, wouldn't you, Celes?**_

_**Celes: I beg your pardon? **_

and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride.

_**Yamada: That is not depressing! Corpse Party is depressing! Or the ending to Angel Beats! Or terrible English dubs! **_

_**Leon: Is that the Tim Burton movie? Because those are weird. **_

I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not.

_**Celes: I don't even want to comment.**_

_**Leon: Trust me, you are a slut Enoby, trust me. **_

_**Yamada: The only time leather is acceptable is leather pants! Anything else itches and is very awkward.**_

_**Leon: Not asking…**_

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

_**Celes: How does one 'bust' into tears?**_

_**Leon: I do and don't want to know. **_

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.

_**Yamada: Concerted…?**_

_**Leon: *flips through dictionary* It means planned and devised together. Wow. I can't tell if that was on purpose or not. **_

_**Celes: Where did that dictionary come from? **_

_**Yamada: What do you me-NNNYYYYEEEEEHHHH! What is this madness?**_

_**Leon: No, this is SP- I mean, um, I had it under my shirt. Yeah, that's right.**_

_**Celes: That's actually smart, I'm surprised.**_

_**Leon: Yeah, I'm smart… what is that supposed to mean? Are you calling me stupid?**_

_**Celes: Perhaps…**_

_**Yamada: That is the stereotype… **_

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry!

_**Yamada: That is an excessive use of that word. **_

_**Leon: Just say 'fuck'. It isn't that difficult.**_

_**Yamada: Only amateurs use it to get their points across!**_

_**Celes: For once, I agree with pig boy. There are more effective means of persuasion. **_

But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears. Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall.

_**Leon: There's something wrong with this sentence… I know there is…**_

_**Celes: You don't need to try that hard to find flaws.**_

_**Yamada: Well, jumping out from behind a wall is kind of impossible unless he jumped **_**through**_** the wall from behind. **_

_**Leon: I'll take it. **_

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?)

_**Leon: Maybe.**_

_**Yamada: Yes.**_

_**Celes: The author really needs to gain a bigger vocabulary. **_

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

_**Leon: Boo hoo, you're all going to die. Oh, wait you can't, you're immortal. Let me grab a steak…**_

_**Celes: You're acting quite childish, Leon.**_

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

_**Celes: What happens when Dumbledore has a headache?**_

_**Leon: I wasn't there, but he cusses and chews out Enoby so he is awesome. **_

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely.

_**Yamada: These adverbs are just thrown in to sound smart. Hmph.**_

_**Leon: I think they're adjectives.**_

_**Yamada: Nope. They have the –ly ending. Adverbs.**_

_**Leon: When did you become the language expert?**_

_**Yamada: Somebody needed to point it out.**_

_**Leon: Thanks, man.**_

(c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room.

_**Yamada: Is this a new character? Ebony Draco… sounds like a girl's name.**_

_**Leon: But it says 'his'. Great now we have a dude named Ebony. Bet he's going to sleep with Enoby too.**_

_**Celes: Aren't you missing the most obvious possibility? She simply forgot the comma between their names.**_

_**Yamada & Leon: Ooohhh….**_

He committed suicide by slitting his wrists."

_**Leon: Lucky bastard!**_

_**Yamada: Wait a minute… something feels off…**_

_**Celes: Yes, didn't she say, and I quote: 'I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak)' **_

_**Leon: Yeah, that's right… Damn it! He's not dead!**_

_**Celes: Is that all? What an amusing tale.**_

_**Yamada: Amusing? For all the wrong reasons! It's a black stain on the holiness that is the glorious ship! **_

_**Leon: Yeah, Celes, you are way too calm… all the time. **_

_**Celes: So what do we do while waiting for new chapters? **_

_**Leon: Not much, you'll see. **_


End file.
